Dear Mother,
by ElphieNeedsAHug
Summary: "Dear Mother, I know you're, well, gone, and I know it's silly to write to you if you're never going to see these letters, but it feels good to write to you like you're only next door. It makes me feel like you're still here." Elphaba takes comfort in writing letters to her late mother during the musical. Normal pairings. Will get more and more angst-y as the story progresses.
1. Before Shiz

**A/N: I always thought Elphaba thought about her mother more than she let on in the musical. These are letters that she wrote to her late mother, starting from about a month before she went to Shiz to a little bit after Fiyero gets her from Kiamo Ko at the end of the musical. I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Me no own Wicked. Me sad. :(**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _I know you're, well, gone, and I know it's silly to write to you if you're never going to see these letters, but it feels good to write to you like you're only next door. It makes me feel like you're still here. I'm very sorry about what happened though, and I wish I could reverse it. It would mean the world to me if you were still here, but I know it's my own fault that you aren't. Father will not let me forget it._

 _Today, father told me that I could go to Shiz University with Nessa to take care of her while she stays there. Neat, right? I know that I'm not there for my own benefit, but this is a good experience! I hear good things about Shiz and it's headmistress, Madame Morrible. Maybe the students there will be more open minded about my… verdigris… than some of the Munchkins here at home. Who knows, right?_

 _Again, I am very deeply sorry about what I have done and I hope you can forgive me. If you are actually reading this, I mean._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba neatly folded up the letter she had just written and placed it in a small shoebox that she had found in the attic. She closed the lid gently and wrote on the top:

 **Property of Elphaba Melena Thropp**

 **NO SNOOPING ALLOWED**

 **or**

 **YOU WILL REGRET IT**

Satisfied, she placed the pen in the small honey jar on her bedside table with numerous other pens and pencils.

 _Tap tap._ Elphaba heard a rap at the door of her bedroom. She quickly slid the shoebox under her bed and called, "It's open!" The doorknob turned and in came her her sister, Nessarose, in her wheelchair, as always. It pained Elphaba to know that it was she who had put her sister in that hideous chair with wheels.

"Hey, Nessie, did you need something?" Elphaba asked, trying to seem casual.

"Yes, I just needed to borrow a pen for my Shiz entrance essay," Nessa responded. Elphaba handed her a pen from her jar, and Nessa took it with a strange look.

"Are you okay, Fabala? You seem like you've been crying!" Nessa was concerned for her sister, as she had never seen her cry before. Elphaba just waved it off.

"Don't worry about me, Nessie. Call me if you need any help with that essay," Elphaba said. Nessa nodded and rolled out of the room. Elphaba sighed, burying her head in her hands as she felt fresh tears roll down her cheeks. _It wasn't a lie,_ she told herself, _but it wasn't not a lie._

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 **A/N #2: Reviews make my heart smile! 3**


	2. Nessa's Reveal

**A/N: School is officially out until August, so I am posting the next chapter in this story as a celebration and as a start to my (hopefully) continuous summer-long updates. Your support is greatly appreciated!**

 **LifelongLeahstar: No, Nessa won't be a big itch in this. I'm tired of reading storied where you want to just go punch her in the face. Actually, thinking about how I was going to characterize Nessa gave me the idea for this chapter!**

 **So, yeah! Enjoy the update!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't worry, I don't own Wicked. You can breath now.**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _So I arrived here at Shiz, and things went off to a crazy start. You may or may not know this, but I have more than one abnormality. Apparently I can do magic, which I don't count as a good thing, as people keep calling me a freak, but the headmistress, Madame Moribble, says that she will put me in her sorcery seminar! She says that if I work hard and do as I should, I could go to meet the Wizard!_ The _Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Imagine that!_

 _Well, I guess all good things come at a price. I'm rooming with a squealy blonde brat, Galinda, I think her name was, and Nessa has to be taken care of by Madame Morrible! Father is going to be so mad when he figures out…_

 _I guess I deserve it though. I crippled my sister and killed my own mother. I'm so sorry. I really am! I'd be surprised if you were still reading this now. Oz, I'd be surprised if you still cared about me right now. No one else seems to. I've spent my whole life caring for Nessa trying to make up for it, and now everyone hates me!_

 _You know what? I shouldn't be complaining about something I deserve. I deserve their hate. Father hates me, Nessa-_

* * *

Elphaba's pen stopped mid-sentence and paused there for a few clock ticks. After a moment, she dropped her pen and paper and got out of seat and out the door of the dorm room. She half ran down dozens of hallways of squealing girls until she emerged into the crisp August air. She took a deep breath. Autumn had always been her favorite season, ever when she was a toddler. She loved the feeling of the crumbly leaves under her boots and the smells of apple pie coming from everyone's houses, but she mostly loved the colors of the leaves. The leaves were always green throughout the year, but this time of year brought a variety of colors to the trees. Reds, oranges, yellows, browns, and everything in between. People never judged the leaves for being a different color than the norm. No one called the trees "freak" or "monster" because of their color.

 _Great, now you're comparing yourself to a leaf._ Elphaba thought with a frown. She kicked some leaves out of her way and pulled the door open to Madame Morrible's room.

Peeking in, she saw Nessa sitting in her wheelchair reading a book. Elphaba rapped quietly on the doorframe to announce her arrival. Nessa's head shot up and she greeted Elphaba's presence with a smile.

"Hey Nessa, can I talk to you?" Elphaba asked, tentatively.

"Yeah, sure," Nessa said, catching on that it was more important than just a school project. "Madame Morrible left to talk with Doctor Dillamond."

"Okay then," Elphaba said, sitting down on Nessa's bed. She decided not to beat around the bush. "Do you hate me?"

Nessa blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Do you hate me?" Elphaba repeated. She watched Nessa's face turn from confusion to utter sadness, which confused Elphaba for a quick moment before she realized Nessa had wheeled over to her and engulfed her in a tight hug. Elphaba gasped with surprise. She didn't remember the last time she was hugged.

"Sweet Oz, Fabala, of course I don't!" Elphaba let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as Nessa released her, putting her hands on Elphaba's shoulders and looking her right in the eye.

"Listen, Father has said many horrible things about you that no one should have to hear about themselves, but I never believed a word of it. None of it was you're fault. You have no reason to blame yourself for this wheelchair, Mother's death," both sisters visibly flinched at that, though Elphaba considerably more, "or anything else that Father has told you. I'm on your side." Elphaba sat there in shock, not knowing what to think.

"I should have told you this sooner, but Father was always hovering over me and I couldn't let him find out that I was on your side," Nessa said, as if that settled

everything.

"But… why?" Elphaba asked, finally finding her words.

"Well, when I was about five, I went to him asking about how he was treating you, and he said that if the topic came up again, he would beat you and kick you out of the house, so I had to act like I was on his side," Nessa said apologetically. "I begged him to let you come with me to Shiz under the pretense that you could take care of me, but I truly wanted to tell you how I felt. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Nessa said, holding Elphaba's green hands in her's.

"Well…" Elphaba didn't know what to say to this. If her life was a book, this would have been one crazy plot twist. "Well, I have to say, you're one heck of an actress, Nessa," Elphaba said with a grin. Nessa smiled at her sister. "You've been very brave throughout this, Fabala, remember that."

The two sisters say in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Elphaba's brain was having trouble processing Nessa's whole speech. After so many years of feeling hated by everyone, this was a surprising development. She wasn't used to being loved, though she had to admit, it felt nice. Really nice.

Elphaba's contemplating was interrupted by Madame Morrible's entrance into the room. She wouldn't tell anyone this, but she couldn't help thinking that the Headmistress looked strikingly like a fish. She eyed Elphaba and Nessa suspiciously, like she eyed every student in the school. Finding nothing wrong with the situation, she turned towards her room, but not before telling Elphaba that she should be working on her essay for sorcery.

After she left the room, Elphaba let go of Nessa's hands and walked back to the door. She turned around and waved.

"I'll see you around, Nessa!" Nessa nodded back. "Thanks for everything," Elphaba said, more seriously. Nessa gave her a sweet smile.

"Don't worry about it. Now go work on that essay. I know you want to." The two girls laughed like two normal sisters with a completely normal past and presents. _If only..._

Elphaba closed the door and soon she was back in the cold outside air. She was planning to go back to her dorm when she was hit with a fistful of brown leaves. She spun around, ready to give one of Galinda's friends a piece of her mind, but standing behind her was Boq, the munchkin from next door back in Munchkinland. With him was Galinda, though she didn't seem to be paying attention.

"Sorry!" Boq cried, looking generally sorry. Elphaba would normally have at least hit him with a book, but it was Boq, and he seemed sorry. She was in a good mood, anyway.

"Hey, do you want to help us? We're trying to build the biggest leaf pile in Oz and break the record!" Again, Elphaba was too happy to deny this, so she helped them. The letter to her mother could wait.

* * *

 _You know what? I shouldn't be complaining about something I deserve. I deserve their hate. Father hates me, Nessa-_ _Well, not exactly, I guess. Father hates me - and I will not deny that he has multiple good reasons for it - but Nessa doesn't. She doesn't blame me for anything that has happened. I blame myself though, no matter what she says. So the question remains: Do you hate me?_

 _Lots of love,_

 _Fabala_

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 **A/N #2: There. The first update of many. Please keep reviewing! And if you have any ideas for this story or my other story, "After the Ending", I would love to hear them!**


	3. Something Pink

**A/N: Third Chapter! Nothing interesting about that, so I have nothing to say in general. :P**

 **The Epic Time Lord: No, that's not a stupid question. I haven't read the book either, so I'm not sure if it's there or not. I just saw it on other fanfics. "Fabala" is a family nickname used by Nessa and Elphaba's mom when she was alive. I hope that clears things up!**

 **LifelongLeahstar: I already thought of an ending, but I figured out a way to incorporate that into the already existing ending in my mind so now the ending is better! Thanks!**

 **Torchakaywrites: I didn't think of that! I could make that a companion story after this one finishes. Unless you want to write it, of course. Just let me know!**

 **Enjoy the story now!**

 **Disclaimer: Does anyone really need to hear this by now? Who writes fanfiction and claims the story is theirs? Honestly…**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _I know that after all that I've done I shouldn't be complaining to you about anything, but I can't help it at this point. If you feel like this is unacceptable, feel free to stop reading from this point. If you don't, well, thank you._

 _You see, there's been some confusion over rooming her at Shiz. Of course, I will care for Nessa. It's the only reason Father let me come to this school in the first place. Yes, there's been some confusion for you see my roommate is… blonde. She's the most blonde blonde that I have ever seen, and I mean that both literally and as an expression._

 _Her whole wardrobe is pink, pink, PINK and she has a whole shelf of nothing but high heels! She won't stop talking about "Momsie and Popsicle" and popularity this, and popularity that, and what's "in" and what's "out" and blah blah blah. And she's not even talking to anyone! At least, I don't think so. She just talks to mid-air and doesn't even care if she doesn't get a response. She's always squealing and squeaking to and about her friends (I really don't get how she got friends so quickly) and she has this super high pitched voice. I swear to Oz if I spend one more minute with this girl I'm going to be deaf._

 _Ok, enough about my troubles. You're probably not interested anyway. So in history class, our teacher is named Doctor Dillamond, who is a Goat and, in my opinion, the wisest of all the faculty. Today in class, though, something strange happened. On the chalkboard were the words "Animals should be Seen and not Heard" written in big, red letters. I mean, who would do such a thing? Why should Animals be seen and not heard? Doctor Dillamond is as smart and verbal as anyone human at this school (perhaps even more), so I don't see what the problem is! What did any Animal do to anyone?_

 _Anyway, Doctor Dillamond ended the class early, but I stayed behind because he seemed troubled. Yes, I know that I should have stayed with Nessa because she is my number one duty, but I just wanted to see if he was okay. Nessa seemed glad for some time alone._

 _Doctor Dillamond told me that something bad was happening to the Animals in Oz! I can't imagine who would want to do something like that, but he told me that there are Animals who are losing their power of speech! It's terrible! I promise, when and if I get to see the Wizard, the first thing I will tell him about is the problem with the Animals. He would make it right, because this cannot go on. Actually, I think it's starting to happen to Doctor Dillamond too! He made this strange bleating noise when I was with him. I am going to work extra hard so that I can go to the Wizard as soon as possible so this can be fixed before it's too late!_

 _I hope that you are still interested in what is happening in my life and you still care about me. If you can read this at all, of course. I do want you to know that I love you very much and I hope that you will accept my apologies. I won't blame you if you don't._

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

"Hey, why are you writing a separate letter to your mom than the one to your dad?" Galinda said, peering over Elphaba's shoulder. Elphaba decided not to respond. The blonde already thought she was weird as is. What was it that she called her today? A steamed artichoke? Either way, Elphaba thought it best to keep her letters to her mother private. She quietly folded up the letter, pretending that she didn't hear Galinda. As usual, Galinda didn't care that she didn't receive an answer. While Galinda went back to writing her letter to "Dearest Darlingest Momsie and Popsicle", Elphaba quickly placed the folded letter in her small box and slid it under her bed. She was reaching for her book when she heard Galinda's high voice once more.

"Elphaba?" Elphaba kept her eyes trained to her book.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you always so protective of your sister?" Elphaba was not expecting this question. She stared at the blonde incredulously. Why would she ask this?

"Well," she said after a moment of hesitation, "I don't think that blissful, blonde brain of yours would be able to understand." Elphaba didn't want to be mean, but she didn't know how to answer that question without revealing more to her roommate than she would have ever liked to tell anyone. She had always wanted to keep herself a mystery for the people around her. The only people who really knew her well were her Father and Nessa, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to change that. Whenever she was faced with this kind of situation, her fiery temper would lash out before she could think things through. That's what comes from being teased and ridiculed by everyone in your life, she supposed. She turned away from Galinda and back to her book.

"Oh come on, tell me! Pleeeaaaaase?" Galinda whined in her annoying way, drawing out the "ea" in "please". Elphaba considered lashing out at her, but stopped herself. She didn't know why, but she felt like she should give her roommate some sort of answer. She looked at Galinda again.

"I owe it to her," she sighed and trained her eyes back on her novel, signaling that that was as specific an answer that Galinda was going to get. Galinda was satisfied with this answer and went back to letter. Elphaba went back to her book, though if one looked carefully enough, you would see that she was deep in thought, her eyes not moving across the page.

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 **A/N #2: Ok, that chapter was sort of slow, but things will speed up later, I promise!**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! 3**


	4. Reasoning (Part 1)

**A/N: Am I being impatient when I say that NO ONE reviewed the last chapter? I mean, I know that I'm relatively new to this website, but I usually at least get one review per chapter. I know you guys read it, so was it so bad and slow that you didn't want to review, you had no time, you got no alert, or am I being impatient? I'm probably being impatient, right? Thought so. Sorry about that. Now for the story!**

 **Oh and also, this part is basically Dancing Through Life and Popular rolled into one, but in two parts because the actual dance is going to be in the next chapter. Got it? Good.**

 **Disclaimer: You want to take a wild guess? Because I am 100% certain that what I should write here is on EVERY chapter of EVERY other Wicked writer's story. So your "wild guess" is probably (read: most definitely) right. You guys probably don't read disclaimers anyway! I know I don't. Ok sorry, rambling… Story time!**

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 _Dear Mother,_

 _Sometimes I look at people and think, "How do they actually get through life without giving a twig about anything!" I mean, seriously. Some people don't even_ try _to get their essays done. Some of them don't even know that there is an essay, let alone trying! Now, Galinda doesn't exactly do this. She actually writes her essays, thank Oz. Who I'm talking about is this silly, rich Vinkun prince who appeared today at Shiz. His name is Fiyero Tiggular and he's new here, though all the students are going off to worship him like he's the Wizard of Oz himself!_

 _Galinda's even worse. She's all over him like some puppy over a chew toy. She can't stop talking, I mean squealing, about how hot he is and how he looked at her and Fiyero this and Fiyero that and I just can't stand it! His driver almost knocked me over and what was he doing? He was_ sleeping _! Sleeping! How can someone fall in love with a guy that almost knocks people to the ground and doesn't even notice them?_

 _Well, I can't really say that. He is… good looking. I'll give you that much. People cannot just fall for someone just because of their looks, though, right? Sometimes I wonder when Oz became so shallow._

 _Ok, enough rambling. I am in no position to whine about life and wasn't born to be in that position. I am sorry._

 _There is one very good thing about Galinda being head over heels with mister Vinkun prince, though. There is this munchkin named Boq who wanted to ask Galinda out to the dance that Fiyero is holding. The poor thing is totally love-sick over her. I don't know what he sees in her, but he is. To get Boq out of her hair, she told him that he should ask Nessa out to the dance using her crazy charming capabilities. Of course, he went right to it. I went to see Nessa earlier today, and I have never seen her so happy. Honestly, her smile lit up her whole face. I'm glad that this new prince's arrival has triggered something good at Shiz._

 _I figured that I should thank Galinda for setting Nessa up with Boq, so I went to Madame Morrible and asked her to put Galinda in the class she wanted most of all: Sorcery. I had to put up a fight, but in the end she gave in when I told her that I would quit the seminar if she didn't tell Galinda this very night. Now I know that my favorite class of the day will turn into torture now that Galinda's involved, but at least Nessa's happy. That's all that ever mattered in this family, right?_

 _I'm sorry, I should control my temper, I know. You can't blame me, can you? All Father ever treated me like was some garbage stuck to the bottom of his shoe! I'm a human too!_

 _Ok, ok, I'm sorry. It's just that I can't keep these feelings wrapped up inside of me any longer. Feel free to stop reading these letters now. Feel free to hate me with all of your being. I just want you to know that after hearing Nessa's opinion about your, um, death and everything, I'm starting to have different feelings on the situation. I've spent my whole life with the same house to return to with Father always there with nothing but blame for me. He used to blame me on everything, ever since I was a little child. After all that, I couldn't help but believe him. Now that I've been gone for a good month or two, I have had time to start having my own opinions on the subject. You understand, right? It's perfectly fine if you don't, because this is probably all just an illusion to take the weight of my own blame off of my shoulders, if only for a moment._

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba looked over the letter before sliding it into her box with the three other letters she had written. She knew that what she had said was probably wrong and, as she had written, just a delusion, but she had to let her feelings out. She didn't think her mom would have reprimanded her for defending herself. Would she?

She was almost three when her mother died, and she only had one memory of her. Elphaba remembered her mother holding her tight in her arms and yelling at her father. Her mother told him that he couldn't judge his own child because of outwards appearances and that he was being a cruel father. Elphaba remembered no more than that. The memory was hazy, but she knew for certain that that was the first time she had ever seen her mother get angry. She knew that there had been multiple more fights before she died, all of them about the same thing. If she agreed with Elphaba about her father's parenting ways, then she should understand Elphaba's reasoning, right?

Elphaba rubbed the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb. All the reasoning she was trying to do was making her head hurt. She knew that her late mother's opinion shouldn't count for anything, but it counted for Elphaba.

Ever since Nessa was born, there had been one question that had been weighing on the back of her mind: Would her mother be proud? It had always been something that she had wondered for most of her life. As she grew older, she always held on to her one memory of her mother as proof that her mother didn't hate her, but after her death, maybe her mother's opinions had changed. Elphaba knew that she would never find out, so there was no use brooding over it. She couldn't help it, though. It was human instinct.

"Do me up, do me up, do me up!" Elphaba was shaken back to the present when Galinda entered the room with two of her friends. Well, there were less of friend and more fangirls. She knew that they had come to dress up for the party - five hours early, as usual - and to escape the flurry of clothes that were bound to fly out of Galinda's closet, Elphaba grabbed her bag from the hook by the door and started to walk towards the library.

By the time she was at the end of the hallway, she realised that she should thank Galinda personally. That way, Galinda would know why Elphaba insisted on putting her in the sorcery seminar. Turning on her heel, Elphaba strode back to their dorm and poked her head through.

"Galinda, listen. My sister and I were talking about you earlier-"

"And I was just talking about you!" Galinda interrupted Elphaba before she could go on. Elphaba quirked her eyebrows. Galinda and her friends talking about her? Usually when that happened, it spelled trouble.

"I thought you would want to wear this to the party tonight!" Galinda said with a toothy grin, surprising Elphaba. Galinda was holding out a black hat with a wide brim and a pointed top. Elphaba didn't know what to think.

"It's really, um… sharp! Don't you think, Elphaba? You know black is this year's pink! It's the new trend! You're both so… um… smart! You deserve each other!" Galinda exclaimed, clearly struggling to market the hat in front of her. It was actually quite humerus to watch. Eventually, she gave up.

"Here! Out of the goodness of my heart!" She said, shoving the hat into Elphaba's emerald hands. The green girl looked at the hat quizzically.

"Um… ok. Thanks," she said, closing the door and walking to the library, observing the hat. At closer look, she actually sort of liked it. It had this unique leathery texture to it. Just as a test, she placed it on her head. To her surprise and delight, the hat fit perfectly onto her head like it was tailored to fit just right. It felt right on her head. She smiled. Maybe she _would_ go to the dance that night.

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 **A/N #2: Yep, another slow chapter. I was trying to focus on Elphaba's thoughts and ended up not having anything happen in this chapter. Sorry about that! It will pick up soon. I promise!**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! (and apparently the heart icon using a less-than symbol and a three doesn't work, so I'll use a smiley face) :)**


	5. Reasoning (Part 2)

**A/N: I am SO. SORRY! It's been FOREVER, I know. I was suffering from the severe clutches of writer's block, and I sort of forgot about my fanfiction stories. Again, SORRY! I also am in the middle of rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast (not professional, of course) so I was memorising lines. So yeah, chapter five! Well, chapter four, part two, but you get the picture!**

 **LifelongLeahstar: Yeah you did send two reviews, but that's okay! I'm really surprised you're allowed to use your phone during class, let alone read fanfiction! The only time I was allowed to do that was at the end of the year when we were allowed to do whatever in Math class. Then again, we weren't allowed to take our phones out. Lucky! Also, I don't mind the long review. I like long reviews!**

 **Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Wicked! *Collective Gasp* :P**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _So, I've never really had a real friend before, besides Nessa, for obvious reasons. Honestly, I never really thought that someone like me could have a friend. I was wrong though. At least, I think I was. Remember the pink nightmare I told you about that goes by the name Galinda Upland? Yeah, she's become my friend. Surprised? I should think so._

 _You see, it actually started with just another one of her pranks to embarrass me in public, as if I'm not usually embarrassed as is. She gave me this hat and told me to wear it to the dance at the Ozdust ballroom. I was already considering going just to watch over Nessa, so I decided to wear the hat as well. Curse my lack of fashion sense, because I only realized how hideous everyone thought the hat was after I had walked in. Everyone laughed, everyone pointed, and Nessa turned away in shame. Nessa's reaction was the worst. I hate that I have to embarrass her so badly in public. It's like she doesn't want people to know that I'm her sister. I know she was being truthful that other day in her room, but she's still young and innocent. She can't help it. She might want to be a bit grateful that I'm always there for her, though! She might want to be there for me once and awhile!_

 _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't get mad at her, now. She didn't do anything wrong. Last time I checked, though, I didn't either. Why is Nessa so much better than me in Father's eyes?! Why is Nessa the perfect one? Why am I always invisible in this family? Why can't I receive some love at least once in my lifetime?!_

* * *

Elphaba's hand stilled. She took a deep breath. In the bed across the room, she could hear Galinda's quiet breathing. She knew she shouldn't be saying - rather, writing - these things about her sister or her father. She deserved this treatment, didn't she?

* * *

 _Listen, I'm really sorry about that. Hear me out, though._

 _I don't know why, but Galinda joined me on the dance floor. There was no music, no on else dancing, and no particular dance either. She was copying me from moments earlier when I was making up random movements to make up for my less than spectacular headwear. The way she did it though, she softened the movements and made it a graceful dance. Soon she asked me to join in as well. At some point, the whole room joined in and the band started playing again. At one point, Galinda left for Fiyero, but for that one moment, I didn't feel like an outcast anymore. I felt like I fit in. I felt accepted, for the first time in my life._

 _Now, Galinda and I are friends. At least, I think we are. I'm not used to being treated like anything but a monster by others. She treats me like any of her other friends, though. We stayed up until three in the morning trying to make me popular. She tells me that I'm her new project. The idea is laughable, but she tells me that it will work._

 _It's been a whole day since then, and she's still my friend. Galinda, the most popular girl in school, considers me good enough to be friends with. I'm still processing the idea myself, but I was thinking: If Galinda can accept me, why can't others? Is Galinda seeing something in me that others don't, or is she missing something? Do I have a reason to believe that I deserve to be an outcast?_

 _That was just a thought. Please don't overthink it. Good night._

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba folded the letter and reached under her bed to retrieve the shoebox with the rest of the un-sent mail, mulling over what she had wrote.

" _Why, Miss Elphaba. Look at you. You're beautiful."_

She had told her that she was beautiful. Galinda Upland, the prettiest, most popular girl in school thought she, Elphaba Thropp, was beautiful. Galinda had told Elphaba that it wasn't in her nature to lie to people, so did that mean that she _was_ beautiful?

Elphaba glanced at the clock. Oz, it was three in the morning already? Elphaba slid the box underneath her bed and pulled the covers over her. In the darkness, she could see Galinda's sleeping figure in her very pink bed. _Maybe this will be a real friendship after all._

* * *

 **A/N #2: I hope that wasn't too bad. It was really short, I know. It gets better, though! The lion cub scene is next! Fuzzy fiyeraba is always good, right?**

 **Okay, I'm sorry. I feel really bad for constantly giving you small, less than satisfactory updates on this. It will get better, I promise! Just give it some time. Please stick with me! Thank you for the support!**

 **Reviews make my heart smile 3**


	6. Fallen Hard

**A/N: Where have you guys gone? No seriously, where are you guys?**

 **Yeah, now I KNOW I'm being impatient.**

 **Now for the Fiyeraba to start officially!**

 **Disclaimer: I'm not that girl and, unlike Elphaba, I never will be.**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _This may seem like a random question, but would you mind me calling you Momma? Remember I used to call you that? I don't know, after writing these letters to you I feel almost as close to you as I used to. It feels right to call you Momma. I hope you don't mind if I start from now on._

 _So, do you remember Doctor Dillamond? He's the Goat who teaches history class? He had been telling me about something bad happening in Oz. I hadn't been able to believe him at that time, but today I got some first hand evidence. It wasn't pretty._

 _They fired Doctor Dillamond. They_ fired _Doctor Dillamond! And put him in jail! Just like that, because he was an Animal! This is insane! I can't believe Madame Morrible permitted it! When I get to go and see the Wizard, this is the first thing that I'll mention! This cannot go on!_

 _Anyway, going on. Our new professor, Doctor Nikidik (who has a very unfortunate last name in my opinion) started class today with something even worse. He had a poor, innocent lion cub trapped in the box with bars around it! He called it a cage, I call it a curse!_

 _The poor thing was trembling so hard! Where was his mother? Did they kill her? I bet they killed her! The_ nerve _of them!_

 _And do you know what that cage was used for? Do you? It was used so that the cup would_ never _learn how to speak! It's just like Doctor Dillamond told me!_

 _I was_ mad _like I never had been before. They had no right to do this! The problem about me being mad is that… well… sometimes my magic sort of gets… out of control. I can't help it! I'm sorry!_

 _The whole class went nuts! People were flying around all over the place! The only people who weren't affected were me and, believe it or not, Fiyero. Even more surprising, he took the cage and ran out of the class with it!_

 _I, naturally, followed him out. We ran far from the class and somewhere out of campus grounds, I think. I wasn't really paying attention. We stopped in the middle of this poppy field that I didn't even know existed._

 _We started arguing, like we usually did when we were in earshot of each other. There was one point when I realized something, though. The playboy, carefree prince that my roommate had been dating wouldn't have done anything about the lion cub. The prince I knew would have just walked out to flirt with some girls. So I realized that the "Dancing Through Life" attitude that Fiyero Tiggular put on was not who he really was. At that moment I saw right through the act that Fiyero put up and saw that he actually cared much more than he would actually let on._

 _That obviously scared him, for he denied it the moment I mentioned it, claiming he was "genuinely self absorbed and deeply shallow." I wouldn't buy it for one second._

 _But something happened between us just after that. He tried to run away and I grabbed his hand and something happened between us. It was sort of like an electric shock. Maybe it was my magic. Sometimes after losing control of my magic it can sort of run through my body once or twice afterwards, but this was different. It was, warmer. It almost felt… good? No, it couldn't. Oz, this is confusing!_

 _It happened again, though. The lion cub, well, it scratched him on his cheek while he picked up the cage, - poor little thing, I scared him so bad - I touched his cheek and it happened again. It was like electricity ran through me. Did he feel it too? He ran off with the cub too soon to tell, but I wonder-_

* * *

Oh, sweet Oz. It couldn't be, could it? No, it couldn't be!

Elphaba closed her eyes, leaning against the bridge in the middle of the poppy field. She tried to recall every detail of the encounter with Fiyero. She grabbed his hand, she touched his cheek. Butterflies flew through her stomach. She started to smile…

Her eyes shot wide open. Yes it did. It happened.

* * *

 _Oz, I'm in love with Fiyero Tiggular!_

 _How did this happen? Who would have thought that me, the green girl, the outcast, the sin, could fall in love with_ him _! It's_ beyond _pathetic! I can't even believe myself. I'm not that girl! Don't wish, don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart._

 _And yet, I still want him._

 _Oz, what has gotten into me today?!_

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba briskly walked through the halls of Shiz, head down, clutching her books to her chest. She had forced Glinda to meet her at the library to work on the blonde's history essay, which she hadn't even started, though it was due in two days. Her legs had memorized the route to the library long ago, and people usually stayed far away from her if they could help it, so she didn't need to watch where she went, right?

Wrong.

"Oof!" She felt someone ram right into her, knocking her books, as well as herself, to the ground. _Probably Avaric making jokes again._

"Do you mind?" She yelled, angrily.

"Sorry about that! Here let me help you," a familiar voice apologized. That wasn't Avaric.

"Fiyero?" Elphaba looked to see that it was indeed Fiyero looking back at her. He gave her a lopsided grin, and she felt her cheeks warm up. _Oz, were his eyes always so blue?_

"Hi," he waved.

"Hello," she said, busying herself with picking up the fallen books, for suddenly she found it hard to look right at him.

Fiyero handed her two of the thinner books. "Here." Their fingers brushed together, and Elphaba felt it again. That burst of energy. She felt her stomach do a flip-flop. _Stop being an idiot, Elphaba!_ She thought, angrily, to herself. She muttered a quick thanks and made to walk away, but Fiyero blocked her way.

"Just in case you're wondering, I released the lion cub safely in the forest and it's fine," he said, looking proud of himself, reminding her of a little boy that tied his shoe for the first time.

"Oh, good," she said, relieved. Fiyero let her pass and she started walking again.

"Oh, and one more thing, Elphaba?" Elphaba turned around.

"You should walk with your eyes up more often. You're missing a lot in the world!" Fiyero gave one last wave before the crowd of students engulfed him.

Elphaba stood there for a moment of hesitation before turning on her heel and walking back towards the library. She didn't know what to think of the comment. She didn't give a twig about what _he_ said, right?

Strangely, she never walked with her eyes trained to the ground since.

* * *

 **A/N #2: There. Was that chapter better? I should hope so. :P**

 **Also, schools starts again in a few weeks so updates will be farther apart but they WILL happen! Support is deeply appreciated!**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! (Which it isn't doing right now!) :)**


	7. Insecurities

**A/N: Can you please forgive the lateness? School started and updates will be less frequent, so please be forgiving, thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: NO.**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _Oh, my OZ! Oh my Oz, you have no idea what just happened, OH MY OZ!_

 _Yeah, I think Galinda's starting to rub off on me, sorry._

 _So, today, in between Life Sciences and History (which is_ so _boring and just not the same without Doctor Dillamond) Madame Morrible came up to me. Do you know what she said? Well, of course you don't, Oz, what am I saying? My head's all jumbled now! Forgive me._

 _I digress…_

 _Madame Morrible came up to me and said that she had sent a message to the Wizard on the day of my arrival here at Shiz. You know what? The Wizard replied, and he wants_ me _to come to the Emerald City to meet him! He asked for me! Personally!_

 _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz wants to meet me! I don't even to what to say!_

 _No seriously, what am I going to do once I get there? What am I supposed to say? What if I mess it all up? What if-_

 _Okay, I'm going to worry about this later. I have about a month. I don't want to worry you about this too._

 _I'm going to see the Wizard!_

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

"Galinda?"

"Hold on, Elphie, I need to get my mascara right for the date tonight!" Elphaba sighed with an eye roll and played with her hair, which was in a messy ponytail, while she waited for her blonde roommate to tear her eyes from the mirror on her dresser.

Finally, Galinda turned to Elphaba. "What?"

"Well… I… have you ever… I mean-"

"Spit it out, Elphie, Fiyero's coming in five minutes."

"Have you ever felt insecure around someone?" Elphaba blurt out. Galinda cocked her head to the side.

"Is this about the Wizard?" Elphaba nodded sheepishly. At least it was _mostly_ about the Wizard.

"Well, I don't have much experience with that, but I can tell you that you can just be yourself, but don't try too hard, be calm, but don't look like you don't care, but don't look to over-eager, but make sure he knows you want the job, but don't look to desperate, but make sure to seem like a hard worker, but not 'all work and no play', but still be yourself. Got that?" Elphaba stared at Galinda blankly for a clock tick.

"What?"

"Never mind. You'll be fine!" Galinda waved it off and turned back to the mirror.

"Yeah, but, what if I get all tongue typed around him and I say something stupid that chases him away and makes him hate me?" Elphaba asked. _I'm definitely_ not _talking about the Wizard anymore!_

"I don't know, I guess- Wait." Galinda turned around, her eyes wide. "Are you in _love_ with someone?!" Elphaba stiffened. Was she really that obvious?

"Er...no, why would you-" Elphaba's frantic attempts to fix were interrupted by a loud squeal that caused her hands to fly to her ears.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeek! Elphie's in love!" She screamed, jumping around the room in delight.

"You don't have to warn the whole building!" Elphaba muttered, blocking out the sound. As soon as the squealing stopped, Elphaba uncovered her ears to be met with yet another problem.

"Oh! Hi Fifi!" Elphaba froze, then turned to see Fiyero in the doorway, looking very perplexed. _And adorable_ , Elphaba thought, then had to restrain herself from banging her head against the bedside table.

"Uh, hi. What's going on?" Fiyero asked, stepping in.

"Elphie's in love!" Galinda practically shrieked. Fiyero looked taken aback. He looked at Elphaba.

"Is this true?" She groaned and buried her face in her hands, just missing the disappointment that had wormed it's way into Fiyero's eyes. _Out of all the people that blonde could have told, she had to tell_ him, she thought.

"Um… wow," was all Fiyero could say. "Who's the lucky man?"

Elphaba scoffed and picked up a random book from the shelf. "As if I'd tell you."

"Oh come on! _Please_?" Galinda asked, drawing out the "please".

"Nope," Elphaba said, opening the book to a page in the middle to keep herself from seeing Fiyero.

"Fine!" Galinda huffed, grabbing Fiyero's arm and stomping out of the room. "I'll get you to tell me sooner or later!" She yelled from down the hall.

"No, you won't!" Elphaba responded, waving her hand at the door so it magically slammed shut. When she was sure Galinda and Fiyero were gone, she threw the book down and slumped down face-first onto the bed. _Maybe I can ask the Wizard how to deal with being the worst friend ever._

* * *

 **A/N #2: In case you're wondering, yes, these chapters are meant to be sort of short. The story just flows better that way.**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! :)**


	8. Flying High

**A/N: Hey, sorry, school sort of has me busy to the point that I can't update. You're probably used to this, right? I hope you still enjoy the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own wicked. Surprised?**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _I'm now on the train to the Emerald City. This ride is longer that I thought, and I've already finished all the books I brought, so I'm writing to you to keep my mind off my nerves. Oh Oz, what if the Wizard hates me? What if-_

 _No. I'm not going to think about that. What else happened today? I was at the train station… Nessa, Boq, and Galinda were there… Fiyero came… He gave me flowers…_

 _No. I'm not thinking about that either. But that look in his eyes…_

 _Oh my Oz,_ shut up _, Elphaba! What is wrong with me!_

 _Ugh, this isn't working. I guess I'll just wake up Galinda or something (who I decided to bring with me. It's a long story). Oh Oz, I hope this works!_

 _Lots of Love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba turned to look at her friend, then decided not to wake her. She was glad that Galinda came, though. She didn't know what she would have done without her. Elphaba just busied herself with looking out the window, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach.

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _I know, I already wrote to you today, but today was probably one of the most important days of my life. Nothing will ever be the same, but I know that it was for the best. I have no time to explain, but I can't live with the Wizards lies. His guards are looking for me, I have to go. I don't even know why I had to write to you now, but, I'm on my own now. I hope you can have at least_ some _pride in me. I don't know how, but anything can happen, right?_

 _Wish me luck and, as always, lots of love,_

 _Fabala (or the Wicked Witch of the West, now)_

* * *

Elphaba signed off the letter quickly, then tucked it into her satchel. The severity of the situation hadn't really sunk in yet. She hoped that it never would: she knew it would be hard to deal with. She actually was feeling slightly reckless, like she could go and dance around in front of the guards right now.

She was glad that she had brought her notebook with her. At least she could have a theoretical communication with someone. It was all she had to hold onto. Especially now.

Adrenaline wearing off, Elphaba took a deep breath and looked around. The dreaded question entered her head. _Now what?_ She was a fugitive now. Where was she supposed to go? She looked at her broom. It was her best bet. She mounted the broom, and took off, flying through the low lying clouds and watching the last of the sun's rays fade away in shades of blood orange and indigo.

A good two miles away, Glinda-the-ga-is-silent watched the figure of her best friend rise into the air and disappear. _You can do it Elphie,_ she said, regretfully.

* * *

 **A/N #2: We did it! We got through the first act! Yaaay! Now for the intermission and second act. Almost half way…**

 **Reviews make my heart smile! ;)**


	9. Isolated

**A/N: I'm just going to stop making excuses for these long absences, but I'm still really sorry! I forced myself to write something, so here we go. No promises on how soon future updates will be.**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _One year into this Wicked Witch thing. I'm surprised I still know now to write at all! I'm not very sure where I am (somewhere near the Thousand Year Grassland, I suppose), but I managed to figure out a cloaking spell of some sorts, so I can actually stay somewhere for more than three hours. Thankfully._

 _I was passing near the church in Munchkinland a while back. I stopped by your grave. I put some flowers there. I hope you like them. I mean, if you can see them. Heck, I doubt you can even see these letters. Maybe I'm just talking to myself. That seems to be how I keep my sanity these days, anyway._

 _It's just so- I don't want to say_ lonely _. I still have the animals, I'm not completely alone. More like… isolated. No one really remembers me for who I was_ before _I was the feared "Wicked Witch of the West." Maybe Glinda does. I really hope so. Or Fiyero._

 _Fiyero's the new Captain of the Guard, did you know that? I saw it in a newspaper. In big letters: "Fiyero Tiggular, new Captain of the Guard, states he would go to the ends of Oz and beyond to capture the Wicked Witch." Would you think about that. Fiyero Tiggular forgot about me, the Lion Cub, the flowers,_ everything _. Not a surprise. Not like he ever cared. And neither did I. I never cared, right? He was just there for Glinda. I'm sure he and Glinda are quite happy in the Emerald City palace, with servants, the fake, lying Wizard, like I never existed. Yes I'm sure they're having a_ wonderful _time without me to bother them! Because all I ever was to them was a stupid, green, pathetic, waste of space!_

 _Sorry. I'm so sorry about that. I got a bit carried away._

 _I really miss you._

 _Lot's of love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba carefully folded the piece of paper into quarters and tucked it between the pages of the Grimmerie. She took a deep breath, then curled up into a ball, her forehead resting on her knees and arms wrapped around her. All this time, for a full year, she had prevented the idea of loneliness from invading her thoughts. It had become instinct for her. Act first, never think. Keep running from society. Lack of sleep, constant hunger, no human contact, stay active, don't think, keep running, running, running… It was all ingrained into her system. She had almost forgotten what emotions felt like. Her life had become a hurricane. She wasn't able to trust a soul. She couldn't risk staying still or a second.

But she was so tired.

She wanted to stop, collapse and give in, but she was past the point where she could. The most frightening thing was: she wasn't sure who Elphaba Thropp was anymore, or if she even still existed.

Suddenly, Elphaba grabbed her broom and took off. _Keep running away from the thoughts and you won't have to face them._

* * *

 **A/N: Reviews make my heart smile! :)**


	10. Engaged

**A/N: Why not? Two chapters in one day! Let's do this.**

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _Glinda and Fiyero are… engaged?_

 _I don't know when, or how, or anything, but apparently, this is true. Great, so Glinda and Fiyero get to have their happy, princess and prince, fairytale ending, and I get to rot alone out in the forest where no one cares! Sounds about right, right? Because I'm a Wicked old witch that Fiyero never cared about. He didn't think of me when he proposed, did he? No, all I am to him is target practice for his amazing career as the famous Captain of the Guard that married Glinda the Good, the "goodliest" woman in history! Everyone's happy! The children will cheer when the story of my death is told, fireworks will blast, the Wizard will continue being "Wonderful," and no one cares about me, right? Is that how this story will be told?_

 _I couldn't be happier._

 _But I don't love him. I won't waste my time on someone who never gave a_ twig about me. I've learned by now.

 _Haha, I bet if Glinda was here she'd ask me to "look her in the eye and say that." She used to love doing that. The only problem is, she wouldn't find this amusing because she is_ getting married to the man I love!

 _Um, I mean… not love. I didn't mean love, I just… Ugh, why did I write this in pen!_

 _No. I am forgetting about Fiyero. He never loved me, so I won't love him. That's it. Done._

 _Lot's of Love,_

 _Fabala_

* * *

Elphaba had her back against a tree. She knew this was risky - she didn't even have a cloaking spell cast - but she felt like it was necessary. It was silly, she knew, but she had to hear. She wouldn't confess why, however.

"Yes, yes, I know, this is somewhat out of the blue, but it is true. My Fiyero here and I are getting married!" Glinda's eloquent voice was drowned out by a loud uproar from the crowd. Elphaba closed her eyes tight. So it was true.

She opened her eyes and stole a glance at the stage behind the tree. Glinda stood there, smiling widely, as always. She looked perfect, and extremely overjoyed. The look matched what Elphaba had seen the night they had become friends.

" _Fiyero and I… are going to be married! Eeeeeeeek!"_ It was the exact same look.

Elphaba took a deep breath and took her eyes off of Glinda. Fiyero stood next to her. He looked at Glinda with an unreadable expression. But he was smiling. Elphaba scooted back behind the tree as Glinda took a question from the audience.

"Your Goodness, don't you think that it would be dangerous to get married in such a dark time, what with the Wicked Witch and all? There was a general murmur of agreement among the crowd. Unable to help herself, Elphaba peeked out from behind the tree again to look at Glinda's face as she responded. The blonde princess's face didn't waver.

"Oh, don't worry! We won't let the forces of evil get to us on such a perfect day like today! Now is a time to celebrate!" She yelled the last word loud enough for it to echo with the power of the microphone. The crowd cheered as Glinda and Fiyero shared a long kiss on center stage.

Elphaba ran.

* * *

 **A/N #2: So, now we're into the second act. We've come some way, right? I hope you're enjoying so far! Please tell me if there is any way I could make this story or my writing better. Your input is appreciated!**

 **Reviews make my heart smile :)**


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